Me A Leader?
When I realised.
It happened one unspectacular Wednesday afternoon. Walking from my office across the playground intent on getting some resources for the English class I was teaching, I spotted two members of staff standing in front of our bollard lighting. It was a sunny afternoon and I assumed (note to self: never assume anything!) they were just enjoying being outside.
‘Nice day for it!’ I quipped.
‘No, we are stopping students from touching these bollards,’ came the response.
‘What do you mean?’
‘They are giving off electric shocks and the kids keep touching them. They are live, Maggie.’ Dave, Technology Technician, told me.
I laughed. No seriously, I laughed. Dave and Sarah, did not laugh. They looked at me expectantly.
And this was it – the lightning bolt moment when I realised that I was the Headteacher and leader and should have all the answers. It wasn’t about knowing how to stop the bollards being live or what to do next (I seriously didn’t and I didn’t know where the electric offswitch was and my site manager was offsick). It wasn’t that, it was that in a moment of crisis, these members of staff looked to me to be decisive, reassuring and display confidence. In short, they needed me.
I got home that evening, lights sorted and no child electric shocked, and breathed. The weight of responsibility hit me.
How did it happen?
I did my PGCE in 1996. I had just left my husband and had an 18 month old son. I had moved back into my parents’ house. It was during this training year that I now realise the early influences of what leadership looks like began to filter through me. My first placement school was a school in Feltham – it was tough, the kids were tough and the staff were amazing and exhausted. But the English department! Oh, wow! The Head of English held that team together with an iron bond. Each member of staff I spoke to trusted him, relied on him and deferred to him. He encouraged and empowered younger staff to grow; develop and share resources that were used by all.
I had no interactions with the Senior Leadership Team or the Headteacher – I guess I simply wasn’t significant enough to feature.
I had a similar experience at my second school. What I did notice though about the Heads of English were that they built excellent relationships; they knew their staff (strengths and areas for development) and they knew what they wanted for their departments.
What I also noticed about schools at this time, well before the work/life balance agenda or wellbeing was a priority was that there was a real feeling that to be successful you had to behave like a businessman, show no emotion or empathy. You were judged on what time you got into the car park or left the building – as a single mum of a 2.5 year old, this was really difficult. None of my then SLT were interested in my challenges, I would be surprised if they even knew – they were focused on school improvement at any cost.
The Developing Leader
When I became Head of English, I knew that I wanted to support my staff. I was younger than some of my team and wanted them to feel heard and valued. I think I took my blueprint from the Heads of English during my PGCE. We worked collaboratively, sharing resources, sharing Cake Friday (everyone took a turn at bringing in cake for the team), we shared our challenges both in school and out of school and we celebrated our successes. This team (some of whom I am still in touch with 20 years later) were incredibly successful with our students. We showed the students we were a team and valued each other and that we also valued and cared about them.
With hindsight, I also can see that I protected my team from the SLT and their demands. I acted as a buffer so that my team could just focus on our students.
During this time, I was asked to speak at an event for women aspiring to leadership (middle at this time). I ended up speaking at this event for several years and each time I was saddened and shocked by the stories of amazing women who felt they couldn’t be their authentic selves.
As someone who has forever expected a knock at the door with an escort offsite, sharing my story and how I showed up as a woman every day was a challenge; brave even. However, I shared how I believed that the softer skills women had to bring like compassion, empathy, resilience and understanding were what schools needed. Not just for the staff but also for students. Again, this was not the message being given and we were in a county with a couple of female headteachers who were very ‘successful’ but who had a reputation for being ruthless and hard. This just wasn’t me.
It was when I became an Assistant Headteacher that I encountered a Headteacher who led with kindness and compassion. He modelled what he believed – he did break duty on the tennis courts every break time, he knew about staff and their families, he trusted his senior team and his staff and gave them (including me) the space to grow and develop.
Authentically me
The reality is that we all make mistakes; I certainly have. I can look back through my leadership roles and see my naivety, the times I made decisions that could have been better. However, when I took on my first headship of a secondary free school that had been open two years, got RI at its first Ofsted and I was the fourth head in two years, I knew how I wanted to show up. As me. Not the polished, I am trying to fit this model of headship that isn’t me, but really me.
The me that is passionate about learning and children as whole people; the me that recognises (through my own experiences) that life does not happen in boxes and sometimes life is awful and people need love and support; the me that could hold people to account but in a way that was and still is as humane as possible; the me that understood and tried to operate from a position of kindness and compassion.
Being authentically me, meant being able to reflect at the end of the day and feel content that I had treated others with the kindness and compassion I hoped to receive from my leaders – even when I was dealing with capability or disciplinary issues.
What I learnt about myself throughout this journey is that people trust me and feel listened to – I still have staff from all of my roles getting in touch to ask advice.
My leadership style had really been growing my whole life, but when given the privilege of the vestige of Headship I knew I could choose how I wanted to lead; what values were important to me and what morally I could not allow for myself, my school and most importantly for my students.
And finally..
Having spent 28 years in schools and a significant proportion of those in leadership roles, I am now retired and work part time as a transformation coach.
I think my one piece of advice or the thing that really helped me as a leader was to imagine myself in the position of the other person – how would I feel if:
I was being put on capability and had to go home and tell my family?
If it was my child that was being permanently excluded?
If I had been spoken to in that way?
And finally, I had to keep reminding myself that the job of a leader is a really important one, but it isn’t as important as self care and compassion for oneself because without that we cannot be our best selves.
If you are interested in exploring transformative coaching or team opportunities further for either yourself or your team, we would be delighted to discuss how we can work together. Please book a free introductory call or contact us at info@glasshouselab.com.
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