How Do You Lead with Self-Awareness in a Less Self-Aware World?
At its very core, leadership it's about understanding people, and it is best to start with yourself.
Self-awareness is one of the most powerful tools a leader can cultivate. It keeps your ego in check, sharpens your emotional intelligence, and allows you to connect and lead with authenticity. But how should you lead when others around you lack it?
Initially I thought that this would be a relatively straightforward blog to write. At face-value, it seemed fairly simple. But the reality is that it is not a case of ‘you are either self-aware or you are not’. Self-awareness is never completed, it is a complex and dynamic trait that can vary given the context you are in. Sometimes we will be better and other times worse, influenced by our current climate and the relative previous experiences we have had despite any subtle differences there may be.
This is one of the quiet challenges of leadership: how to navigate, influence, and collaborate with people who may lack insight into how they affect others (the interpersonal components of self-awareness); and, how you support others to get to understand themselves and the internal reasons why they may behave or respond (intrapersonal components). This shapes how they show up in relationships, how they respond to feedback, what they are really feeling, what is influencing their decisions and behaviours; whilst simultaneously impacting how these components connect and interact with one another internally and externally in each moment.
How self-aware we are compared to others can feel frustrating and exhausting, but this response asks questions of what aspects of self-awareness we may still need to develop. Consciously asking this question can reframe the same situation into a space for tremendous growth- for them and for you.
The Hidden Cost of Low Self-Awareness
Think about the first person that comes to mind. Individuals who lack self-awareness often:
Resist feedback or interpret it as a personal attack
Struggle to take accountability
Misread social cues or group dynamics
Project their fears and insecurities onto others
Undermine collaboration through defensiveness or control
Be stuck in repeated patterns of thinking or rumination, be unaware of the underlying causes or how to move forward
As a self-aware leader, you likely recognise these patterns. You may also feel tempted to either withdraw or compensate for their blind spots. Neither is sustainable.
Choose Curiosity Over Judgment
When you’re self-aware, it’s easy to assume others should be too. But as we have already discussed, awareness is a journey, and not everyone has been invited, encouraged, or equipped on theirs.
Instead of judging, stay curious:
What state are they in at this moment?
What experiences might have shaped their lack of insight?
What do they need, but may not know how to ask for?
How can you model reflection without preaching it?
Curiosity builds connection. Judgment builds walls.
Set Boundaries with Compassion
Self-awareness doesn't mean tolerating harmful behaviour in the name of empathy. It means knowing when to engage, when to let go, and how to maintain integrity without becoming reactive.
This is where boundary awareness comes in. You need to be aware of your personal boundaries, and what it looks like when either you or anyone else crosses them, e.g. oversharing, use of certain language etc. Model these boundaries and hold them consistently. This prevents any ambiguity.
Model What You Want to See
You don’t teach self-awareness by demanding it. You teach it by living it.
Practice. If you do not, it is unlikely you will be prepared to model this to others.
Reflect openly on your own mistakes and consider the different components of self-awareness within your reflection.
Ask for feedback – this can be a trigger for many, but you can ask for it in a way that is helpful to you for example at a particular time or using particular language to facilitate you in being open to it. For example ‘Have you thought about...’ can appear less judgemental than ‘We/you should...’
Admit when you’re triggered, and explain how you're owning it and managing it.
Over time, your example can act as a mirror. You can't force people to see themselves- but you can make reflection more accessible and accurate.
Accept What You Can't Control
There will always be individuals who resist introspection. Your role isn’t to fix them. Your role is to lead with integrity and stay grounded in how you live your values. That may mean limiting how much influence they have over your energy. It may mean making tough calls about roles or team dynamics.
Being a self-aware leader in a less self-aware environment is like walking through fog with a lantern. You can’t clear the path for everyone, but you can offer light. And maybe, just maybe, someone else will be inspired to carry a lantern, too.
What aspect of self-awareness is someone else holding a light up for you to explore?
If you are interested in exploring transformative coaching or team opportunities further for either yourself or your teams, we would be delighted to discuss how we can work together. Please book a free introductory call or contact us at info@glasshouselab.com.
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